Contemplation: witnessing

Paul Donner asked in a comment earlier this week about what I, foolishly perhaps, called the "voice" that your "core" can find in silent sitting and, further, how to distinguish between truth and ego (projection) in such realization, and to give examples of insights and their impact on my life.

Phew. Those are some great, tough questions and I feel very vulnerable writing these lines. Vulnerable to the point of putting off writing this post day after day. 

Not only are these experiences highly personal. But they are also wildly open to interpretation. Modern/rational society is uncomfortable going so deep into the self - because it isn't rational in the empiricist sense. And post-modern/pluralist thought, overly critical of the power structures of organized religion, is quick to deny any hierarchy in actualization. I would indeed ask that you realize that language is key to thought and that all experiences communicated are thus subject to the misunderstandings inherent in communication.

So here it goes.

Perhaps the second most powerful experience of sitting in meditation/contemplation for me has been the experience of what many commentators call "the witness." The best way I've found to describe what it's like is the following:

You're sitting and doing what most practices recommend: initially you focus on your breath or a "sacred" word that allows you to come back to the present. Thought arises, sensation occurs - and you bring it gently back to the here and now. So you're sitting there, just being. Over time (and I mean days, weeks, months), fewer thoughts and emotions and things arise, and you get better at letting them go. You don't drift as much. So far, so Headspace.

But this next bit is powerful for me. As you're sitting there, just being fully present, complete in the now, you gently... take a step back. And now you're contemplating yourself, just sitting there. And it's a very powerful, out-of-body, away-from-all-the-stories-you've-made-up-about-yourself experience. This is important: it's a powerful experiential shift in consciousness or awareness.

And then, of course, the interpretation of what the heck that was starts. And, frankly, that's above my paygrade but I will say this: I believe that part of you that's witnessing is probably as close to "authentic" or "soul" as we can experience in this meatbag. And isn't that a wonderful (and yes: comforting) thing.

How do I know this isn't ego or projection? How do I know that's "truth"? Well, I certainly know that it isn't empirical truth. It may not even be rational truth. But it very clearly is relatable, experiential truth. And if you look at similar experiences that other practitioners have had, I am certainly not alone in my delusions - if that's what they are.

As to what impact it has had on my life: I believe more in an irreducible "Being" principle than I have before. And I won't hesitate in calling that Being "soul" and to propose that everyone has this thing. It's just a matter of dropping the less important stuff. And that means, if we can all experience this reduced form of what it means to "Be Alive", there are significant concordant implications of empathy, compassion, connectedness and, really fundamentally, ethics and morals that result. 

Thanks for hearing me out and - keep practicing.

P.S. Did you read closely? I said "second most powerful experience...for me." Stay tuned. 


4 responses
Powerful and beautiful - thank you for sharing. To probe slightly further, is it your view that this 'soul' asks something of each of us? Does it care wether Max is a Venture Capitalist or a Carer? Married or Single? Living in Berlin or Jakarta? To put it succinctly, do you feel we have any obligation over and above merely experiencing/witnessing the soul? Probably also highly personal and maybe not for sharing but would also be super interesting to understand if there was a particular catalyst that sparked this inquiry for you. Thanks Max - look forward to part deux.
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